Fearless Predictions 2k9

It’s a holiday tradition!

1. The Pittsburgh Steelers will win the Super Bowl 17-13 over the defending New York Giants. James Harrison wins MVP with two sacks and a forced fumble.

2. Nearly 3 million people stream into Washington, D.C. for the MLK Holiday-Barack Obama inauguration four-day weekend. Roads and subway traffic are snarled for hours, but the festivities are terrorist-free (foreign or domestic). On a side note, all Obama administration members are cleared in “Blago-gate.”

3. Caroline Kennedy will be appointed senator from New York (groan). Al Franken will be selected senator from Minnesota (wretch).

4. President Obama will not pursue any criminal charges against Dick Cheney or other members of the Bush Administration for their conduct of the war (namely torture), despite pressure from the online Left and Andrew Sullivan.

5. U2’s “No Line on the Horizon,” set for release March 2 in the United States, is the top selling album of the year.

6. Brett Favre will retire from the New York Jets.

7. President Obama’s first political setback will be the defeat of a comprehensive “stimulus package” by Senate Republicans. Unfortunately, the GOP will once again forget about fiscal restraint and limiting executive power by the next time they hold the White House.

8. A fad of dubious theological merit will sweep American evangelicalism. Those pointing out the fad’s vapid content will be dismissed as mean-spirited Pharisees.

9. The Boston Celtics will repeat as NBA champions (got this one right last year).

10. Oil prices will stay below $80 a barrel during the summer travel season thanks to the recession.

11. Sarah Palin will declare her intent to challenge Lisa Murkowski for the Alaskan senate seat up in 2010.

12. Conservative radio will talk about Barack Obama like he’s the second coming of George McGovern, completely missing the point that he’s really the third term of Bill Clinton minus personal scandals. This will reenforce the notion in the public’s mind that conservatives are out of touch. Along those lines, The American Conservative (Larison) and The Atlantic (Douthat, Sullivan) will continue to produce better conservative insight than the Weekly Standard.

13. Fidel Castro will remain alive and Osama bin Laden will remain at large. On the brighter side, Lindsay Lohan will announce she likes men again.

14. The New York Yankees, despite spending nearly a half billion dollars in the off season, will fall sort of a World Series title for the nineth consecutive year. The Tampa Bay Rays will fall back to earth, finishing third behind the Yankees and the Red Sox. The Pittsburgh Pirates will have their 17th consecutive losing season. The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim will rebound to win the World Series.

15. The recession will officially end Q3 2009. Unemployment will peak just short of 9 percent before slowly recovering in 2010.

Bonus: Brett Favre will return to the New York Jets for the 2009-10 season.

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