New Obama Rumors

There are a lot of crazy rumors going around out there via email saying things about Barack Obama — that he is a Marxist, that he is a secret Muslim (with a crazy Christian pastor — the rumors don’t have to make sense), that he hates America, and so on. Most of these have been debunked time and time again. But in politics, of course, image is often more important than reality. If I were running the Obama campaign, I might fight fire with fire by starting an internet rumor mill of my own. Via author Jason Boyett, here are 13 rumors Barack Obama might spread about himself:

1. Barack Obama wears a FLAG PIN at all times. Even in the shower.

2. Barack Obama says the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE every time he sees an American flag. He also ends every sentence by saying, “WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL.” Click here for video of Obama quietly mouthing the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE in his sleep.

3. A tape exists of Michelle Obama saying the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE at a conference on PATRIOTISM.

4. Every weekend, Barack and Michelle take their daughters HUNTING.

5. Barack Obama is a PATRIOTIC AMERICAN. He has one HAND over his HEART at all times. He occasionally switches when one arm gets tired, which is almost never because he is STRONG.

6. Barack Obama has the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE tattooed on his stomach. It’s upside-down, so he can read it while doing sit-ups.

7. There’s only one artist on Barack Obama’s iPod: FRANCIS SCOTT KEY.

8. Barack Obama is a DEVOUT CHRISTIAN. His favorite book is the BIBLE, which he has memorized. His name means HE WHO LOVES JESUS in the ancient language of Aramaic. He is PROUD that Jesus was an American.

9. Barack Obama goes to church every morning. He goes to church every afternoon. He goes to church every evening. He is IN CHURCH RIGHT NOW.

10. Barack Obama’s new airplane includes a conference room, a kitchen, and a MEGACHURCH.

11. Barack Obama’s skin is the color of AMERICAN SOIL.

12. Barack Obama buys AMERICAN STUFF. He owns a FORD, a BASEBALL TEAM, and a COMPUTER HE BUILT HIMSELF FROM AMERICAN PARTS. He travels mostly by FORKLIFT.

13. Barack Obama says that Americans cling to GUNS and RELIGION because they are AWESOME.

Send that to your Aunt Edna and tell her to get to work.

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